So here are 25 pointless things about your’s truly….
1. I never got any achievement badges in the 3 years that I was a Brownie.
2. I got my first bra when I was 14.I was one of the last in my year to get one. I was so proud that I wore it to bed. Sad to say I didn’t really need it. Things haven’t changed much!
3. My favourite game when I was 8 was Horses. Never mind the fact I lived in outer London and the only horse I knew was Black Beauty. My friends and I would gallop all the way to and from Brownies playing Horses. If only there had been a ‘playing Horses’ Brownies achievement badge.
4. The first album I bought was in 1986. It was (ahem) Wham! Make It Big. On cassette. I’ll understand completely if you stop reading now.
5. The last album I bought was last week. It was Sharon Jones and The Dap Kings 100 Days 100 Nights. On itunes. I’ve come a long way.
6. I have accquired 3 tattoos since I turned 30. The first from Broome, one from Darwin and one from Singapore. All done by female tatt artists (not by choice – a happy coincidence.)
7. I love eating burnt marshmallows. I pull the burnt skin off, eat it then reburn the remaining marshmalow and keep going til there’s nothing left. Mmmm. Carcinogens.
8. I was held up at knife point in Goa on New Year’s Eve in 1993. I got very angry, shouted at the knife-wielder and then chased him away (ran after him yelling in my best outraged Mem Sahib voice). I got the shakes, half an hour later, safely locked in my hotel room.
9. When I was a naive teen I thought oral sex meant talking about ‘it’. I kid you not.
10. I have almost overcome my run-screaming-from-the-room fear of spiders. I’m ‘brave’ for my kids.
11. When I was ten I did a voice over for a television advert for carpet cleaner.
“MY Mum doesn’t know where she’d be without Ripper Carpet Stain Remover….”
I would cringe everytime it came on TV. None of my friends at school believed it was me.
12. If I’m travelling in a small aeroplane and it goes through turbulence nine times out of ten I will get queasy, sweat profusely and throw up. The other times I remember to take drugs and I giggle instead.
13. One night, back in 1992, whilst being the sound operater for a Hayman Theatre production of Hedda Gabler, I got to stand next to Matthew Modine during the interval as we both waited for coffees. I had a hard enough time ordering my coffee let alone speaking to him. Besides, I was being cool.
14. I only wagged school once. On the last day of school. In Year 12.
My friend and I ditched double maths and caught the train to the beach. A family friend bumped into me and dropped me home. My Dad was home already so I hid in the backyard til normal hometime. All of 17 and such a rebel.
15. My favourite audiobook is Winnie the Pooh and A House at Pooh Corner read by Lionel Jeffries (the actor who played the Grandfather in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang). He reads Tigger with an Indian accent and Kanga and Roo with Aussie accents. It’s priceless and, sadly, out of circulation.
16. I am proud to say I have never watched Gone With the Wind all the way through. That and The Sound of Music. I would rather eat hard boiled eggs. And that’s saying a lot.
17. I have lived in a total of twenty-one houses during my life. And counting….
18. I had a Big M chocolate milkshake scented hula-hoop when I was 10. I was the hula-hoop queen. It had a ball bearing inside it which you could hear sliding around and around as you hula-hooped.
I have long since lost the abilty to hula-hoop. I want to learn again but I’m worried I’ll frighten the children.
19. The most beautiful place in the world is the East KImberley in the wet season. Under a full moon. That’s WAAAY before Baz and Botox-head made it hip and sexy.
20. I went to a farm-stay when I was fourteen,(my parent’s idea of a cheap, educational, family holiday), where the owner bred coloured sheep for knitting – the wool, not the beast. Anyhoo. Imagine my deep, intense disappointment when I arrive to find the sheep are brown or black. Not blue, pink, orange, green, purple or red.
21. For my 21st I spent the birthday money my Grandma sent me on swish clothes, make-up and tickets to Puccini’s Madame Butterfly. I cried through the whole thing (my make up washed off). It was wonderful.
22. I participated in a team Rottnest Swim in the Wyndham Swimming Pool in 2003. If I remember correctly we swam 200 laps each . I got a medal and a tshirt. We didn’t have top worry about sharks but the thunderstorm at the end of the swim was a bit extreme.
23. My pet peeve is when newsreaders report that people have been evacuated. Buildings and cities are evacuated. People being evacuated is downright messy.
24. I can juggle. I learnt at high school when the group of Year 12’s I was in demanded sports options other than traditional organised team ones. We got yoga and circus skills.
25. I went to the Gruyere cheese factory in…Gruyere when I was seven. I remember the pervading smell of warm milk and piles of cheese everywhere.
That is all.