This Week

I’m bringing the weekly dose back. That is the plan anyway.

Books: If nothing else I have maintained my ability to consume several books at one time. The past few weeks has seen all The Dexter books, save the fourth one, devoured and enjoyed. I have also (thanks to my voracious reader son) picked up and read the first 3 Artemis Fowl books. I am currently reading the fourth ( I believe there are 3 more after that!). I also have to finish Tim Winton’s Turning Point and Neil Gaiman’s Smoke and Mirrors.

That’s about it folks. I’m hoping to make a point of doing some journal work each night  and once a week posting the best bits here….watch this space!!

For The Weekend…For You

This is one of my favourites.

All I can say is
“Not Happy Birthday…..Not that”

 

 

Enjoy your weekend!

Domestic God

There is a buzz of excitement at our place. The Milkman has only one day of work left. After tomorrow he downs tools, we spend the long weekend together and then I (as you know) return to work and The Milkman will henceforth be known as Stay Home Dad  or, as I like to call him, My House Bitch.

This is going to be fabulous for the littlest boys. Soon to be 3 Year Old is very happy at the thought of playing with Dad all day and our One Year Old Mummy’s Boy (birthday yesterday!) will adjust in time.

MHB is ecstatic because he gets to spend the next 3  years with his sons before they go to school. He has been counting the days for this!

As a self-proclaimed Anti-Domestic Goddess I  am excited because MHB is far more house-proud than I. The house will be clean. No more floordrobe, clear kitchen benches. It’s not going to know what hit it.

 

Everybody wins.

I’m Gonna Go All New-Age On Your Ass!

A while back , over a year I think, there were alot of posts about animal totems or guides. It was something I found interesting but I had never really given any thought as to which animal was mine. To tell you the truth I didn’t really understand it . If you had asked me back then what my animal totem was I probably would have just said  a cat because I like them and I have had alot of  pet cats. I think they are cool and I love the Rudyard Kipling story The Cat That Walked By Himself.  Those Just So stories are my favourites.

That would have been my answer.

Then I delivered my third child and my animal guide found me.

My past two deliveries have been very quick and intense. The final phase of my second delivery was only about 5 minutes but the pain was so intense I couldn’t breathe or relax. I thrashed around trying to escape the pain and vowed for the next pregnancy to have a plan for the last few moments as I delivered my baby.

So almost 2 years later I get to  the hospital in labor with my 3rd child, contractions every 3 minutes . I have the good fortune of having a wonderful midwife on roster who is very excited about my plans for a natural birth with a bit of gas at the end. An hour and a half later I’m at the intense stage. Baby’s head is crowning and I’m sucking on that gas like crazy.

The pain is unbelievable. The gas doesn’t stop the pain but it allows my mind to detach from it . I find myself thinking what sort of animal could contain pain this intense and encompassing? Then she comes to me, or I become her.

 I am an elephant, I am on my knees in a jungle clearing, and I am bellowing and trumpeting the pain away. I can envision my trunk high in the air and the noise I make is deafening but it blocks the pain, or distracts me from it. I come back to the room momentarily between contractions to gasp at the gas. This goes on for a few minutes then with the last push I am back in the jungle trumpeting and bellowing like crazy. It seems the more intense the pain the louder and stronger my elephant becomes. Until I hear the midwife’s voice ,

“Cle, stop pushing. Stop pushing now or you’ll tear.”

Then I’m back in the room, quiet as can be, trying to pant and a few seconds later my 3rd boy arrives, sac intact just  like his brothers before him.

I told my husband about my elephant moment just after the birth. He found it highly amusing. I kept quiet about it after that  but recently I have been thinking about her.

About a month ago, for no particular reason, a new freind bought me a rose quartz elephant.  When I asked her ‘How did you know?’  She said “I just saw it and thought of you.”

It makes sense. Almost 16 years ago, in India I bought a pink marble elephant in Jaipur. In the same country I fell in love with Ganesh.  Over the years I have collected a small collection of elephants . I never knew until the past few weeks why.

 

The really weird thing is way back when in high school the boys thought it funny to call me Elephant Woman.

Ha!

One Man’s Meat….

 

Okay. With a header like that you need a picture like  this…..

 

 

Now, where was I ? Oh yes.

Yesterday I entered the Forbidden Zone. I had a sudden, overwhelming urge to bake. I should have ignored it but I had a packet of pecan nuts in my hand, flour, butter, sugar, eggs in the pantry and my brain went to Woman’s Day Land. I was going to bake something tasty and delicious.
I used to bake a lot. I made a mean mocha cookie. These days the urge hits me less, not just because of the mess and time with two toddlers aboard, but when I try something new it tends to turn out completely different (read nasty) to the glossy picture in the cook book.
But today I felt confident, I had my brown stuff together. I knew I could make a beautiful delicious batch of crunchy cookies for my family.

1Year Old sat in the high chair banging stuff, eating stuff and throwing stuff on the floor (in no particular order).
3 Year Old helped me make him some play dough then played with it while I made The World’s Most Delicious Cookies.
I felt like a CWA lady. Nothing could stop me.

 

 

Golden Pecan Honey Cookies. Easy.
I followed all the steps.
 Oven on. Trays greased and lined.
Creamed butter and sugar. Added egg. Sifted in flour. Oops. Should have put the honey in with the butter and sugar. Bugger. No problem. I mixed it in with the flour. Straight out of the fridge honey doesn’t mix too well. Very lumpy. I mixed it some more then added crushed pecans. Not holding together too well. So I kneaded it together with my hands. Then I reread the recipe. Do not over mix. Damn. Never mind.
Put tablespoons of the mixture on trays allowing room for spreading. Bake for 12 minutes or until golden brown. Mmmm. I was imagining beautiful golden, crunchy, nutty cookies. Yum.

I played with 3 Year Old who was baking playdough cookies.  I picked stuff up off the floor for 1 Year Old to keep banging, eating and throwing. I checked my cookies.

 They hadn’t spread. They looked decidedly uncookie-like. I returned them to the oven for a bit longer.  Maybe they’d miraculously reform into delicious treats. Not too long or they’d burn.

Golden Pecan Honey Cookies resembled small animal droppings. They were not crunchy or golden.
 3 Year Old ate one unenthusiastically. I had one. They tasted okay but they were  doughy in the middle. My husband returned home, looked at the shriveled lumps on the baking trays.
“What are those meant to be?”
“Cookies”
He laughed and wouldn’t try one. 3 Year Old wouldn’t eat any more of them either.

I no longer felt like a card carrying member of the CWA.

Later in the afternoon my 10 Year Old returned home from school. Hungry, ravenous willing to eat anything regardless of shape, smell or texture.
“What are those?”
“Pecan Clusters”
He ate five.
“Mmmm. Delicious. Thanks Mum!”
He took a large handful to school with him today. Bless him.

My 3 Year Old crumbled his up and hid it on the couch at morning tea today.

It’s all in the name.

The Wild Things Tamed?

Spike Jonze is releasing an adaptation of Where The Wild Things Are later this year.

This trailer has been very cleverly edited to push emotional buttons. I’m not sure how I feel about this movie. It is one of my favourite books. One of my friends named her son Max after….Max.

On the plus side this is a CGI free movie. It may be worth watching just for that.

 

And if it is a truly terrible movie we can roar our terrible roars and gnash our terrible teeth and roll our terrible eyes and show our terrible claws.

 

The Truth About Eggs

Today I made curried egg sandwiches for lunch. This might not seem like much but my close family will know this is a huge step for me. Up until I was 35 and expecting my second child I would rather stick needles in my eye than eat hard boiled egg-white or anything remotely egg-like. I am not allergic to egg white. I just had a bad eggsperience. I’m sorry. If I hadn’t done that someone else would have.

 

 

I spent the first few years of my school life at an English government school. I learnt to tie a tie at six and wore a snazzy maroon blazer with gold and black trim. We had assemblies every morning and said the Lord’s Prayer every day.

Oh yes. We also had government funded school dinners. I could paint you a picture of our mealtime treats; Brussels sprouts, gristle pie, blancmange with skin on top, prunes and custard, liver, deep fried spam, but I think this little ditty we used to sing in the playground sums it up perfectly. You all know Frere Jaques….

 School dinners, school dinners

Mushy peas, mushy peas

Soggy semolina, soggy semolina

I feel sick

Doctor quick!

It’s too late

Done it on the plate.

To make sure our lunch was eaten up the school employed Dinner Ladies. Not only would these women cook and serve up our daily lunch but they would also patrol the dining room ensuring every last crumb was devoured.

Once every few meals we would have a salad with half a cold boiled egg nestled amidst the lettuce leaves. At this tender age I love soft boiled eggs with toast soldiers. I would gobble up all the delicious runny egg yolk and palm off the egg white to my baby brother or turn the egg upside down in the egg cup and give it to my Dad who would feign deep dismay at having a pre-loved egg for breakfast.

I didn’t like the texture of boiled egg whites. They made me gag. I didn’t eat them.

 I’m not sure how I got through the first few years of school without eating egg whites. Maybe I hid them under the plate or passed them to my neighbour at the dining table. I have forgotten. Maybe the dinner ladies were not as thorough in their duties as the One Who Will Not Be Named.

But in the summer of 1981, which was my last year in England I was forced to face my nemesis.

Salad again. Possibly with deep fried battered spam (mmmm so healthy) and there, on the side of the plate, hiding innocuously under a slice of tomato was The Egg.

I was a good girl. I ate all my fried spam, all the lettuce and salad. All my friends were running out to play and I was about to follow when The Meanest Dinner Lady Of Them All ordered me to sit and eat my egg.

I sat. But I would not eat my egg.

Other dinner ladies began cleaning up the tables for the big kids to come in and start lunch.

 I would not eat my egg.

The Meanest Dinner Lady Of Them All stood above me and demanded that I eat my egg.

 I would not.

She walked me to the school building with my plate and stood me in the corridor against the wall and roared at me to eat my egg.

I cried but I would not eat my egg.

Time being what it is I have forgotten what transpired after that. More than likely lunch finished and I went back to class.

It’s funny what stays with you though.

 

Image: FreeDigitalPhotos

And So To Write

 

I have friends who write every day.
Quirky, interesting and fun stories.
I admire my friends.
Everyday they write and I think to myself

How can I write every day?
How can I write quirky, fun and interesting stories every day?
I don’t get out a lot. I don’t meet a lot of people or see a lot of things to inspire me.
Mostly I stay home and grow my family and do everyday growing family things.
How can I write anything quirky, interesting and fun about that?

Then I realised I was thinking about it the wrong way. If I can’t see quirky, fun and inteesting in my own life how am I going to see it anywhere else?

My life is exactly the spot to find quirky, fun and interesting writing inspiration every day.

Now I am inspired.

 

Random Facts about Cle

So here are 25 pointless things about your’s truly….

1. I never got any achievement badges in the 3 years that I was a Brownie.

2. I got my first bra when I was 14.I was one of the last in my year to get one. I was so proud that I wore it to bed. Sad to say I didn’t really need it. Things haven’t changed much!

3. My favourite game when I was 8 was Horses. Never mind the fact I lived in outer London and the only horse I knew was Black Beauty. My friends and I would gallop all the way to and from Brownies playing Horses. If only there had been a ‘playing Horses’ Brownies achievement badge.

4. The first album I bought was in 1986. It was (ahem) Wham! Make It Big. On cassette. I’ll understand completely if you stop reading now.

5. The last album I bought was last week. It was Sharon Jones and The Dap Kings 100 Days 100 Nights. On itunes. I’ve come a long way.

6. I have accquired 3 tattoos since I turned 30. The first from Broome, one from Darwin and one from Singapore. All done by female tatt artists (not by choice – a happy coincidence.)

7. I love eating burnt marshmallows. I pull the burnt skin off, eat it then reburn the remaining marshmalow and keep going til there’s nothing left. Mmmm. Carcinogens.

8. I was held up at knife point in Goa on New Year’s Eve in 1993. I got very angry, shouted at the knife-wielder and then chased him away (ran after him yelling in my best outraged Mem Sahib voice). I got the shakes, half an hour later, safely locked in my hotel room.

9. When I was a naive teen I thought oral sex meant talking about ‘it’. I kid you not.

10. I have almost overcome my run-screaming-from-the-room fear of spiders. I’m ‘brave’ for my kids.

11. When I was ten I did a voice over for a television advert for carpet cleaner.
“MY Mum doesn’t know where she’d be without Ripper Carpet Stain Remover….”
I would cringe everytime it came on TV. None of my friends at school believed it was me.

12. If I’m travelling in a small aeroplane and it goes through turbulence nine times out of ten I will get queasy, sweat profusely and throw up. The other times I remember to take drugs and I giggle instead.

13. One night, back in 1992, whilst being the sound operater for a Hayman Theatre production of Hedda Gabler, I got to stand next to Matthew Modine during the interval as we both waited for coffees. I had a hard enough time ordering my coffee let alone speaking to him. Besides, I was being cool.

14. I only wagged school once. On the last day of school. In Year 12.
My friend and I ditched double maths and caught the train to the beach. A family friend bumped into me and dropped me home. My Dad was home already so I hid in the backyard til normal hometime. All of 17 and such a rebel.

15. My favourite audiobook is Winnie the Pooh and A House at Pooh Corner read by Lionel Jeffries (the actor who played the Grandfather in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang). He reads Tigger with an Indian accent and Kanga and Roo with Aussie accents. It’s priceless and, sadly, out of circulation.

16. I am proud to say I have never watched Gone With the Wind all the way through. That and The Sound of Music. I would rather eat hard boiled eggs. And that’s saying a lot.

17. I have lived in a total of twenty-one houses during my life. And counting….

18. I had a Big M chocolate milkshake scented hula-hoop when I was 10. I was the hula-hoop queen. It had a ball bearing inside it which you could hear sliding around and around as you hula-hooped.
I have long since lost the abilty to hula-hoop. I want to learn again but I’m worried I’ll frighten the children.

19. The most beautiful place in the world is the East KImberley in the wet season. Under a full moon. That’s WAAAY before Baz and Botox-head made it hip and sexy.

20. I went to a farm-stay when I was fourteen,(my parent’s idea of a cheap, educational, family holiday), where the owner bred coloured sheep for knitting – the wool, not the beast. Anyhoo. Imagine my deep, intense disappointment when I arrive to find the sheep are brown or black. Not blue, pink, orange, green, purple or red.

21. For my 21st I spent the birthday money my Grandma sent me on swish clothes, make-up and tickets to Puccini’s Madame Butterfly. I cried through the whole thing (my make up washed off). It was wonderful.

22. I participated in a team Rottnest Swim in the Wyndham Swimming Pool in 2003. If I remember correctly we swam 200 laps each . I got a medal and a tshirt. We didn’t have top worry about sharks but the thunderstorm at the end of the swim was a bit extreme.

23. My pet peeve is when newsreaders report that people have been evacuated. Buildings and cities are evacuated. People being evacuated is downright messy.

24. I can juggle. I learnt at high school when the group of Year 12’s I was in demanded sports options other than traditional organised team ones. We got yoga and circus skills.

25. I went to the Gruyere cheese factory in…Gruyere when I was seven. I remember the pervading smell of warm milk and piles of cheese everywhere.

That is all.

Meet Your Friendly Crew

In an alternate universe Spock is Captain of the S.S.Vulcania. Kirk is the First Mate. Naturalmente.

Catch them here relaxing at an on board toga party….. I think AMM spiked the drinks….