I’m Gonna Go All New-Age On Your Ass!

A while back , over a year I think, there were alot of posts about animal totems or guides. It was something I found interesting but I had never really given any thought as to which animal was mine. To tell you the truth I didn’t really understand it . If you had asked me back then what my animal totem was I probably would have just said  a cat because I like them and I have had alot of  pet cats. I think they are cool and I love the Rudyard Kipling story The Cat That Walked By Himself.  Those Just So stories are my favourites.

That would have been my answer.

Then I delivered my third child and my animal guide found me.

My past two deliveries have been very quick and intense. The final phase of my second delivery was only about 5 minutes but the pain was so intense I couldn’t breathe or relax. I thrashed around trying to escape the pain and vowed for the next pregnancy to have a plan for the last few moments as I delivered my baby.

So almost 2 years later I get to  the hospital in labor with my 3rd child, contractions every 3 minutes . I have the good fortune of having a wonderful midwife on roster who is very excited about my plans for a natural birth with a bit of gas at the end. An hour and a half later I’m at the intense stage. Baby’s head is crowning and I’m sucking on that gas like crazy.

The pain is unbelievable. The gas doesn’t stop the pain but it allows my mind to detach from it . I find myself thinking what sort of animal could contain pain this intense and encompassing? Then she comes to me, or I become her.

 I am an elephant, I am on my knees in a jungle clearing, and I am bellowing and trumpeting the pain away. I can envision my trunk high in the air and the noise I make is deafening but it blocks the pain, or distracts me from it. I come back to the room momentarily between contractions to gasp at the gas. This goes on for a few minutes then with the last push I am back in the jungle trumpeting and bellowing like crazy. It seems the more intense the pain the louder and stronger my elephant becomes. Until I hear the midwife’s voice ,

“Cle, stop pushing. Stop pushing now or you’ll tear.”

Then I’m back in the room, quiet as can be, trying to pant and a few seconds later my 3rd boy arrives, sac intact just  like his brothers before him.

I told my husband about my elephant moment just after the birth. He found it highly amusing. I kept quiet about it after that  but recently I have been thinking about her.

About a month ago, for no particular reason, a new freind bought me a rose quartz elephant.  When I asked her ‘How did you know?’  She said “I just saw it and thought of you.”

It makes sense. Almost 16 years ago, in India I bought a pink marble elephant in Jaipur. In the same country I fell in love with Ganesh.  Over the years I have collected a small collection of elephants . I never knew until the past few weeks why.

 

The really weird thing is way back when in high school the boys thought it funny to call me Elephant Woman.

Ha!